I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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