YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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