I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
