Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
we should paint friendship bongs
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
