If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
