I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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