no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
