Having a random hookup so left but love u
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
