I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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