Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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