I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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