I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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