My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
