nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
