hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
