so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Randomize
