Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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