He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
