The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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