About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
