somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
