I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
