Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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