I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
