A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
