PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
