Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
