yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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