one might say we're banned from that church
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
