My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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