we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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