hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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