I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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