What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
