Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
