I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
