You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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