this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
