You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize