I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
