She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
