It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize