My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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