I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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