So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
