Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
