Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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