Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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