Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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