WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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