based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
