What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
