i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
