I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
