You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
