The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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