tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
