i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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