OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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