we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
