She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
