Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize