So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
