I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
