I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
