I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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