I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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