oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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