So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
