I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
