you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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