I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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