Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
