He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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