I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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