Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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