the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
