okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
