So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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