Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
