She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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