How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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